domestic violence

No, it’s not okay

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It’s a Catch-22. Speaking your mind. For me it is anyway. I feel there are days when I am invincible and speak my mind about anything and everything. Then there are days that if I think if do I will lose everything.

Abuse is a cycle that can only be broken by the victim who is being abused. It comes in so many different ways. More than you could ever imagine. In some cases, if the abuser is losing control of his/her victim he will then resort to physical abuse.

They prey on the kind and weak to get what they want. Whether it’s control to satisfy their own ego, use of the victim to gain what they need, money to fill their own pockets, they will use their scare tactics to accomplish their own goals at the expense of others well-being.

I know because I am a survivor. Unfortunately though, I see the cycle of abuse being done to someone close to me. All I can do is hope and pray that I can use my strength to make them see right from wrong and what is being done to them is not natural or healthy.

Abuse is NOT okay and it comes in so many forms. When you are treated a certain way and it gives you feelings of being scared, uselessness, uncertainty, worthlessness, hopelessness, please walk away. Those are unhealthy feelings that will destroy your confidence and take away your strength.

Be strong and do whatever it takes to walk away.

Take Advantage of TIME. Welcome 2020

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It’s Time to Take Advantage of TIME

If there is one thing, I could brainwash everyone to do, it would be to take advantage of time. Use it wisely, cherish every single second. People just read the words but don’t really listen. I know this because there are so many instances, events, people, that I wish I would have cherished more.

Not just the good times but the bad as well. I wish I could have cherished the bad and learned from my mistakes. Eventually I did but it took a few trial runs. Another way I wish I could have taken advantage of time would have been to do the things that I really wanted to do and not have just gone with the flow in fear that I would have upset someone if I didn’t.

There are too many (I’s) in there so I’m going to transition to you….lol  Anything that might remotely represent narcissism I have to switch gears. One of my pet peeves lol.

Another way to take advantage of time is to tell someone how you really feel. You love them, tell them. Who cares what the outcome is, the point of it is that you told them your true feelings. On the flipside, also be honest. Brutally, painstakingly, honest. No holding back. No suffering on the inside because you are afraid to hurt their feelings. It will be worse in the long run. Who knows, that person might not like you either and is going through the same emotions and thoughts you are as well. So, look at it this way, you are doing not only yourself a favor but them also. Sticking it out because you think that time after time things will change, nah it usually doesn’t. Why? Because in your gut you know it won’t and history always repeats itself. When all contemplation fails, listen to your gut!!! I have wasted literally years of my life weighing the pros and cons, be resilient in my fight for true love but when it’s not there, it’s not there. I will leave that for another post lol.

Take advantage of time by not procrastinating. If there is a thought in your mind about doing something, bettering yourself, finishing school, do it. You can’t rewind time and your age. As you get older things can sometimes get harder. Not all the time, just sometimes.

Lastly, but not really because I have a ton more to say but I’m running out of time, is take care of you. Seriously, I underestimated that saying. Totally. Self-care sounds so corny to some, but there is so much truth to it I can’t even begin to tell you. Indulge in the good stuff. Water. Yes water. When I am down and out, I drink water. Drink it. Try it for a day or two and see how your mind clears up and your heart doesn’t ache. Yes, I know it sounds crazy but it worked for me. Either that or I have lost my mind. Okay enough of the water lol. What you do to your body will have an everlasting affect for the rest of your life, so take care of it. Your body, mind, and soul. Take the time to treat yourself right because no one else will do it for you.

On that note I have to hightail it out of here. Happy New Year and I wish you all a million times of happiness, health, and prosperity. Welcome 2020!!

 

 

 

You’ll have one of those days DV survivor. It’s okay, just breathe.

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I’d say a majority of my posts, probably all my posts are optimistic, upbeat, positive, and reinforcing, but Friday was a pretty bad day for me.

It set me back quite a bit. I’m not going to go into details because in the end it doesn’t matter. What matters is that being a DV survivor is how you bounce back and realize that you’ll have moments like this in life.

I haven’t had a bad day like that in approximately 14 months. The one on Friday was over a miscommunication between myself and another individual. The screaming began. Not me but him. I froze. My legs were like cement. I felt like I was actually going to faint. I listened and barely spoke and after that 3 minutes of that horrific moment, just like that, it was over.

I don’t post about being a domestic violence survivor because number one, I hate pity parties. I hate dwelling. I hate reliving those time periods in my life. But now it feels different. I feel like I am in a place where I can discuss it to a degree without completely going into a catatonic state.

Without a doubt in my mind, PTSD and domestic violence go hand in hand. I’m getting better since Friday, I am doing things to try and forget it. I’m able to hold back the tears, the ache inside, the pains in my stomach, and the thoughts of it are diminishing.

You have to draw a line in your mind with you on one side and the incident on the other. Look over that line. Realize that you are on the safe side and you recognize that you are okay standing where you are. Look at that incident like you are watching it on tv. After it’s over, shut it off. It’s over and done with. You are standing over that line and you are okay and safe.

Next, look around you. You can breathe. You’re alive.  You are going to have times in your life that even though you aren’t in that domestic violence relationship you were once in, you will encounter times that are going to make you feel like you are.

This probably sounds like I am allowing people to treat me the way I use to, no. This is called everyday life and people are going to have heated arguments, disagreements, and even though it affects you so severely, those doing the screaming and yelling don’t have any clue. They don’t know what you’ve been through. But you do and you can overcome any blip in the screen. Your heart is beating and you are okay.

How did I handle this you ask? Well after he left the room, I stood with my feet glued to the floor. It took at least a minute to move my rock feeling feet and rubber band legs again. I am resilient and I can get through this I said to myself. At first I was angry, no tears, just rage building up inside me. I was disappointed with myself. Then the tears and sobbing started. This is the first time someone made me feel like this since I left my last relationship 14 months ago. I felt like I needed to go runaway and hide like I’ve done before.  I sat there and didn’t know what to do.

Right then, he walked in the room and sat down. Of course I was speechless. What do I do? How am I going to handle this again? But it wasn’t an “again.” He said to me that he wanted to apologize. He didn’t mean to scream at me like that. I felt a little relieved, not a lot, just a little. I responded with what I had to say and explained myself. It was just a measly miscommunication over something so trivial. I don’t think, I know he realized the way the way he approached me was uncalled for. We talked and I cried. I couldn’t help it. Through the sobs, I told him I am a strong woman. I am independent.  He looked at me like I was nuts and didn’t understand what I was getting at.  That’s okay though. Communication helped ME understand that not every situation is the same as it was before.

Even if it was a different situation, and it was the onset of another bad relationship, I have the knowledge and strength now to know the difference and exit from any toxic relationship that has the potential of infiltrating me.

Enough said. You too can overcome and defeat anything that comes your way. Just breathe. It’s going to be okay. You’re alive and able to get it right this time. Be thankful.

 

White out

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Getting a late start today. Took boys to school and starting my workday with Mike in a few. They are calling for lake effect snow up to 8 inches. I’m wondering if I’ll be picking up my cherubs early today hmmm….

It looks like a definite white out now as I type and look through my bedroom window. Cold but so beautiful.

I’ll take some pics and upload today.

God I love New York.

Have a great day everyone and don’t give up on whatever it is you set out to do. The best reward is the feeling of accomplishment. It doesn’t matter how big or small the task, the important part of it is that you got it done.