I did it. I booked a campsite for the boys and I. This is one step closer for me to actually get to go camping solo. Over the past 2 years we have been going with my sister and her husband. This year we kind of graduated. We are going camping at the same campground with them but at a different campsite.
Then…. I took it upon myself to book a site just for the boys and I at a different time and place all together.
The campground we are going to is called Limekiln and it is up in the Adirondacks of NY.
I am actually looking into investing in a small rv that sleeps 3. Since my boys are turning 17 and 18 in September, I think I will be going on my own next summer. I think that a small rv might be better when I am alone as opposed to tent camping. Gotta have room for my dog! haha
So here is our site that I booked in July at Limekiln.
I am beyond excited.
All it takes are baby steps when it comes to accomplishing anything you want. Life is too short not to take a chance.
I’d say a majority of my posts, probably all my posts are optimistic, upbeat, positive, and reinforcing, but Friday was a pretty bad day for me.
It set me back quite a bit. I’m not going to go into details because in the end it doesn’t matter. What matters is that being a DV survivor is how you bounce back and realize that you’ll have moments like this in life.
I haven’t had a bad day like that in approximately 14 months. The one on Friday was over a miscommunication between myself and another individual. The screaming began. Not me but him. I froze. My legs were like cement. I felt like I was actually going to faint. I listened and barely spoke and after that 3 minutes of that horrific moment, just like that, it was over.
I don’t post about being a domestic violence survivor because number one, I hate pity parties. I hate dwelling. I hate reliving those time periods in my life. But now it feels different. I feel like I am in a place where I can discuss it to a degree without completely going into a catatonic state.
Without a doubt in my mind, PTSD and domestic violence go hand in hand. I’m getting better since Friday, I am doing things to try and forget it. I’m able to hold back the tears, the ache inside, the pains in my stomach, and the thoughts of it are diminishing.
You have to draw a line in your mind with you on one side and the incident on the other. Look over that line. Realize that you are on the safe side and you recognize that you are okay standing where you are. Look at that incident like you are watching it on tv. After it’s over, shut it off. It’s over and done with. You are standing over that line and you are okay and safe.
Next, look around you. You can breathe. You’re alive. You are going to have times in your life that even though you aren’t in that domestic violence relationship you were once in, you will encounter times that are going to make you feel like you are.
This probably sounds like I am allowing people to treat me the way I use to, no. This is called everyday life and people are going to have heated arguments, disagreements, and even though it affects you so severely, those doing the screaming and yelling don’t have any clue. They don’t know what you’ve been through. But you do and you can overcome any blip in the screen. Your heart is beating and you are okay.
How did I handle this you ask? Well after he left the room, I stood with my feet glued to the floor. It took at least a minute to move my rock feeling feet and rubber band legs again. I am resilient and I can get through this I said to myself. At first I was angry, no tears, just rage building up inside me. I was disappointed with myself. Then the tears and sobbing started. This is the first time someone made me feel like this since I left my last relationship 14 months ago. I felt like I needed to go runaway and hide like I’ve done before. I sat there and didn’t know what to do.
Right then, he walked in the room and sat down. Of course I was speechless. What do I do? How am I going to handle this again? But it wasn’t an “again.” He said to me that he wanted to apologize. He didn’t mean to scream at me like that. I felt a little relieved, not a lot, just a little. I responded with what I had to say and explained myself. It was just a measly miscommunication over something so trivial. I don’t think, I know he realized the way the way he approached me was uncalled for. We talked and I cried. I couldn’t help it. Through the sobs, I told him I am a strong woman. I am independent. He looked at me like I was nuts and didn’t understand what I was getting at. That’s okay though. Communication helped ME understand that not every situation is the same as it was before.
Even if it was a different situation, and it was the onset of another bad relationship, I have the knowledge and strength now to know the difference and exit from any toxic relationship that has the potential of infiltrating me.
Enough said. You too can overcome and defeat anything that comes your way. Just breathe. It’s going to be okay. You’re alive and able to get it right this time. Be thankful.
It’s really simple. What holds us back from moving forward, taking that chance, or making a life change? Fear right?
Fear holds us back from more than we realize. For some of us fear can play a part in the simplest tasks. For starters, putting our two feet on the floor when we wake up in the morning. There is always something out there we dread that has to be dealt with in our day right?
Try this(myself included), start off with just today by saying no or not doing something with you are uncomfortable with, without feeling bad or guilty.
Little steps are a great way to get going on defeating what’s holding you back.
Consciously make an effort and take note on everything and every little feeling, like the pit in your stomach feeling, when you have to make a choice on what YOU want to do. Just say no. It’s really not that hard. Remember baby steps.
Good luck today. I’d like to hear what you decided not to do today and how it felt to say no. Even if you say no to one thing, that is a great start.
Be brave and have a great day!