I can breathe (Not related to COVID)


This post is not related to COVID. We are surrounded by it. It has touched every single one of our lives in every way, so let’s leave Mr. Rona out of this once.

Not only can I breathe, but I can think so clearly now. I’m not sure how this happened but it took place over the past two years. The apprehensive feelings I’ve had my whole life disappeared. I stopped second guessing my ability to function independently and create my own happiness.

Why is it that we believe that we need others to go through every single motion in life? Sometimes, yes to a degree but when it comes down to it, eating alone, going to a movie alone, or taking a trip alone is not only exciting but empowering.

I can’t believe this but I remember the first time I went to the movies by myself. I was in my late 20’s(whoa 29 to be exact) and it was in Elmsford or Pleasantville NY but when I Googled Pleasantville, an artsy theater came up so things must have changed over time I’m thinking it may have been Elmsford. My kids weren’t even born yet! The movie was, The Perfect Storm with George Clooney. My ex was a cop at the time and he worked crazy hours so I had to take it upon myself to do this one on my own.

This is going to sound so silly but I want you to see how I felt when I did this. It might sound like something so trivial to you, but to me and others this is huge. Going to a movie alone?? Now the thing is, I usually can’t remember anything. I have a HORRIBLE memory or at least I thought I did until recently and things started coming back to me. So, here I am sitting in the movie theater parking lot staring at the entrance, watching couples go in, boyfriend and girlfriend, girlfriends, husband and wives and here I sit thinking, “people are going to think I’m a complete loser going into a movie theater by myself.” Am I completely and utterly ridiculous for thinking this? No, because it is engrained in our brains that this is the norm, like brushing our teeth. I’m not going to lie, I was so nervous. What are people going to think about me? Are they going to stare? Am I going to trip and the carpet or the stairs? Should I get popcorn? What if I have to go to the bathroom? Oh, forget about me thinking, “is someone going to attack me when I leave the movie theater or hiding under my car?” Nah, that was the furthest thing from my mind. Screw the serial killer. I was more worried about what people were thinking about me being alone. But, I did it. It was invigorating and empowering. BUT, for some reason I didn’t make a habit of it until did I reached my late 40’s. It was strange. I kind of crawled back up into my whole of insecurity land and lost that gumption to do it again. I owe it to the relationships I was in after my divorce. People and events can make you feel like you cannot survive and be happy alone. Even when I was single and enjoying it, people told me, “you are eventually going to want to grow old with someone or you need a partner, a companion to do things with.” Um, non actually I don’t.

Why do we feel that we need a partner to make us happy, to survive, to make us feel complete? I truly feel that for some of us that it’s just the cycle we were born into and what we are conditioned to believe is normal. We don’t know any better and anything else out of the norm is scary for us. That’s okay, but what happens one day when there isn’t that significant other to do things with? Whether it’s death, unfaithfulness, abuse, or even that you two are not compatible anymore, etc., then what? Are you going to crawl under a rock and die?

My thought is, I don’t want to be with someone just for the sake of needing to for whatever reason. I or you have to want to be with someone who you don’t need anything from and that includes happiness.

When you are in a relationship that gives you one iota or inclination of doubt about the two of you or your self preservation, re-think it. I’m not saying make any haste decisions but really dig down deep and think about what it is that gives you that nudge of doubt, sadness, or unhappiness that you’re feeling.

You have the ability to change that and it is possible to be in a relationship and make yourself happy first. Take care of you and all that isn’t right in your being and fix it.

This post may sound like I am single but I’m not. I am in a relationship that gives me control of my own happiness. He is part of the puzzle that made this happen for now (it took me a lifetime to find him). If things change, then I will take it as it comes. We don’t live together, he has his own kids, I have mine. A lot of our likes aren’t the same but that’s okay too, we both full-fill something in one another that gives us balance and to us that’s all that matters.

You can find that balance also but it requires figuring out exactly what is it that you want out of life for yourself and nobody else. It might take some time like it did for me but if you don’t start processing the thoughts about what it is that really makes you happy, then things will never change.

Good luck!

Going to school at age 48


Yes, I’m scared. But, I look at it this way. My kids are 14 and 15 and are able to wipe their own buts and basically eat when they feel hungry lol, so I feel it’s time to do something for myself that is going to hmmm how do I put this…. make me feel whole. Huh? Don’t people usually look for a partner to make them feel “whole?” Lol true and having a companion does help in that department but this is different.

Before I go off on a tangent, my point to this post is my age, 48, I’m going back to school. I hate saying I all the time. I don’t want to make this about me. My posts are intended to talk to people out there who think they can’t in life. I know that there are millions of people out there who think it’s too late for them to do something like this. Then there are others that say bs I can.  I’m standing in the middle but I just fell off the fence and I’m going for it. I am also doing it because this is exactly what my older sister did. At the age of I believe 52 she completed her Bachelors. Nothing and no one stopped her. She is a domestic violence advocate as well as a published author. At times she struggled mentally, financially, and yes physically(medical issues) but she did it and nothing stopped her.

Over the past 2 weeks I also decided that I am not going for my teaching certification. I am going for Masters in Social Work. MSW. That took a lot for me to say. Whew… so nervous but freakin excited. There are so many reasons why I switched to this but the main reason is I love helping people figure out life. Plain and simple.

There is so much more to this but I have to get going so I’m going to stop here for now. But ya’ll out there reading this, have an amazing day.

Remember there is nothing that you can’t do in life. Nothing. You are the only one stopping you from achieving your goals and following your dreams.

Yes, it’s scary and hard at times but you can do it.

Get out of your comfort zone and change your life. Start now.

Be amazing


BUT THE BEST.  First and foremost, never doubt yourself in any situation. Don’t ever let anyone make you feel you are incapable, lesser, or anything less then the best. You are the best.

If they want to challenge you, take it on. Challenge them back. Stand up for your beliefs and have confidence in yourself.

I’d say if you are reading this post, you already have reservations about any thoughts you might be having or even a decision and conviction you are hesitant about standing up for. Don’t change your mind. Stand your ground.

Believe  and take pride in yourself. Only you have the power to stand up for you. Be your own advocate.

You are amazing, worthy, capable, and the best there is. Don’t stop now. Keep going and follow through on your dreams and goals. I know you can do it and so do you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

No guilt, be happy


I was just writing a comment in a private group on FB. It’s a whole bunch of women talking about dating dilemmas, strategies, the good, the bad, and the ugly lol.

I think I’ve been through every dating scenario possible and I am finally, at age 48, beginning to figure it out. Well, hopefully lol.

I came to the conclusion that you have to throw yourself out there and try everything. Start by asking yourself, what is it that you are looking for? Another few things you have to think about are, is the timing right to get back into the dating scene? Do you still think about your ex? Lastly, and most importantly, are you happy with yourself at this present moment?

I found that unless I have myself together and that the rest of my life was fine tuned, I couldn’t date. Are you happy in your current state of life? That is so important. If something is off-key, then how could you possible date or go into a relationship with an open mind?

Right now I have never been happier with my current dating situation. If it works for you, go for it.

Have a great Saturday everyone!