So I haven’t blogged in quite sometime now. I was going to reset myself and jump into it with a post titled, “A Better Me.” But, a million other thoughts came my way and I feel that it was time to say how I really feel.

I am 52-years-old. Single. Well sort of yes but, yes, yes I’m single woman. Who am I kidding. I talk to other men and have visions of me going on a date, finding out that I can be compatible with someone else but….. it stops even before the date. It stops with a stupid comment during the “text conversation” not even a phone conversation. Hmm, I think even further, did our banter get you off? Oh my God. No wonder why women resort to FansOnly or OnlyFans. They might as well get paid for the crap they get put through.

We exchange hellos, how are you, what’s new…then here it comes, the sexual innuendos. Why, why, why, do people not think before they speak? Do they realize that there is a right way and a wrong way?

Am I the one who is wrong? Is that how it’s supposed to be? Friendly banter and then bang? Literally, bang.

No. It doesn’t feel right. I have changed. Things changed. Situations have changed. This is a different period in my life that shouldn’t be one moment of self gratification and then that empty hole feeling. That feeling of eating a buttery English muffin with the butter dripping and afterwards realizing that’s it, it’s gone and I feel the buttery drippings, sliding down my arteries and a sluggish, why did I do that, kind of feeling.

Ya know what, I am worth that appetizer. I am worth a steak dinner at Prime. I am worth a dozen roses.

I am worth more then a 10 min frolic, there you go, get your rocks off, fling in bed. Way more. No buttery English muffins for me.

Is my vibe giving them the feeling that there will be nothing more after the dinner and roses? Maybe that will be case but I will not put myself out there so you can get your 10 mins of self-gratification at my expense. I am sorry. No I’m not. I’m not sorry and neither should any woman or man out there that goes through the same thing.

You are worth so much more. Don’t settle for that English muffin and butter feeling.

(This post was originally a draft from a year ago and like many others that I never had the nerve to post). Slowly but surely I will publish them. Just another obstacle that I have to get over).