self help

5 Minutes of Meditation (Brain Break)

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Some of us struggle with finding ways to ground ourselves and create calmness within right? What does it take to get this moment done. Well for starters, time. We live in a hustle bustle world where we are going non-stop. Both physically and mentally. Our bodies and brains feel like a windup toy the minute our feet hit the ground. Our thoughts are a compilation of worries, schedules, priorities, and people to take care of. How is that going to happen when you can’t even find 5 minutes to clear your mind to give your brain a break? I call it just that, it’s a “brain break” to get myself in shape for what’s ahead.

Will taking 5 minutes for yourself really change or take away from anything that you have to get done for the day? Set a timer for 5 minutes wherever you are when you wake up, after you send the kids to school, or before you make your calls for the day and set aside 5 minutes to take care of YOU.

5 Minutes of Meditation

  • 1st minute: Be grateful and thankful for waking up and having the opportunity to be alive. Think, how did I get to where I am right now in life? Think of all the things that brought you to where you are now. Give it a good solid minute.
  • 2nd minute: Listen, look, and indulge at what is going on around you. The sound of your coffee perking, the birds chirping outside, the humming of the cars whirring past your house, the appliances humming doing their job. Everything going on around you that lets you recognize that you are alive and well.
  • 3rd minute: What do you have right now that lets you have internet, read this post, the device that brings you to reading this post, gives you electricity, keeps you warm, gives you something to sleep on, to communicate with others through? Get my drift? All these things are a blessing. They also give you the opportunity to keep going.
  • 4th minute: How can I use what I have to make my life even better? Take what you have in your life, all your resources to make things better. Everything tangible can change your life. Use what you have to do whatever it takes to get you to where you need to be. Including the people around you that encourage you, help you in the time of need, and those who you can always lean on. All these things and people were put in your life for a reason.
  • 5th minute: Give thanks to whoever you worship. It can be anything or anyone that you find solace in. A God, a friend, nature, anything that gives you peace, support, and hope. Devote your energy into that being for the sole reason of projecting your gratefulness out there. It will be recognized someway, somehow and trust me, it will be.

Jot down a summary of what you want to get out of your 5 minutes. Be diligent with following through and utilizing those 5 minutes to give you what you need to function properly throughout your day. It’s not being selfish and don’t make excuses. It’s only. 5 minutes!

This Will Not Be Another Draft (1 minute read)

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I refuse to let another one of my blog post turn into a draft.

I hold back periodically because self-doubt and fear but where does that get me? Where does fear get us? It gets us further away from being at our happiest. What’s that quote…. hold on googling it. Ah yes, the great Wayne Gretzky said it best, “You miss a 100% of the shots you don’t take.” That quote has so many meanings.

Holding back and not taking those shots prevent you from what? Living life to your fullest? Saying how you really feel? Taking the path that’s right for you? Slighting yourself of what does your mind and body good?

You could be stuck in the “uncomfortable comfort zone.” Change is wicked scary. It took me 30 years to get to the point where I’m at. I didn’t have the resources or the power within to help me make that change right away. It was a slow process but I knew it had to happen or it would have gotten the best of me. It will get the best of you too if you don’t make a plan. Start slow but start somewhere.

Listen, life is never going to be perfect but if you have the right mindset and stay positive as much as you can, life will seem beautiful regardless. 

Feeling Not So Guilty

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We go all day long, all week long, all year long. Is there anytime to just sit and do mindless and useless things? It took me a long time to realize that yes there is time to sit and do nothing or do exactly what you want. I feel like that is the only way I can regroup and get myself motivated again.

Guilt stricken is the best way I can describe how I used to feel about wanting to do this. I think it stems from my childhood. No, I know it stems from my childhood. My mom was OCD nonstop. She wasn’t clinically diagnosed as OCD but the signs were there. Back then, there was no special diagnosis for overly cleaning, obsessing, or being anal retentive about everything she did. God rest her soul. She was the epitome of having EVERYTHING in an orderly fashion. In turn, it rubbed off on me in different ways. I felt like I could never let the dust go, let the mail pile up, do the dishes on an as you use basis. It’s hard because of so many reasons. One because I used to care what people think. Specifically my ex-husband, relatives, friends who visited, and my kids.

In spite of letting things go, people will be people. Either they’ll judge you or they won’t. But in the scheme of things, either way it does not matter. Let them judge. Let them think however they are going to think. It’s okay to do what YOU want.

What matters most is how you feel. You have to be mindful of yourself. Screw everyone else around you. I know it isn’t easy. It took me probably 45 years to realize this. It’s hard enough to survive in this world so let the small things go and do you. Take care of you.

I can breathe (Not related to COVID)

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This post is not related to COVID. We are surrounded by it. It has touched every single one of our lives in every way, so let’s leave Mr. Rona out of this once.

Not only can I breathe, but I can think so clearly now. I’m not sure how this happened but it took place over the past two years. The apprehensive feelings I’ve had my whole life disappeared. I stopped second guessing my ability to function independently and create my own happiness.

Why is it that we believe that we need others to go through every single motion in life? Sometimes, yes to a degree but when it comes down to it, eating alone, going to a movie alone, or taking a trip alone is not only exciting but empowering.

I can’t believe this but I remember the first time I went to the movies by myself. I was in my late 20’s(whoa 29 to be exact) and it was in Elmsford or Pleasantville NY but when I Googled Pleasantville, an artsy theater came up so things must have changed over time I’m thinking it may have been Elmsford. My kids weren’t even born yet! The movie was, The Perfect Storm with George Clooney. My ex was a cop at the time and he worked crazy hours so I had to take it upon myself to do this one on my own.

This is going to sound so silly but I want you to see how I felt when I did this. It might sound like something so trivial to you, but to me and others this is huge. Going to a movie alone?? Now the thing is, I usually can’t remember anything. I have a HORRIBLE memory or at least I thought I did until recently and things started coming back to me. So, here I am sitting in the movie theater parking lot staring at the entrance, watching couples go in, boyfriend and girlfriend, girlfriends, husband and wives and here I sit thinking, “people are going to think I’m a complete loser going into a movie theater by myself.” Am I completely and utterly ridiculous for thinking this? No, because it is engrained in our brains that this is the norm, like brushing our teeth. I’m not going to lie, I was so nervous. What are people going to think about me? Are they going to stare? Am I going to trip and the carpet or the stairs? Should I get popcorn? What if I have to go to the bathroom? Oh, forget about me thinking, “is someone going to attack me when I leave the movie theater or hiding under my car?” Nah, that was the furthest thing from my mind. Screw the serial killer. I was more worried about what people were thinking about me being alone. But, I did it. It was invigorating and empowering. BUT, for some reason I didn’t make a habit of it until did I reached my late 40’s. It was strange. I kind of crawled back up into my whole of insecurity land and lost that gumption to do it again. I owe it to the relationships I was in after my divorce. People and events can make you feel like you cannot survive and be happy alone. Even when I was single and enjoying it, people told me, “you are eventually going to want to grow old with someone or you need a partner, a companion to do things with.” Um, non actually I don’t.

Why do we feel that we need a partner to make us happy, to survive, to make us feel complete? I truly feel that for some of us that it’s just the cycle we were born into and what we are conditioned to believe is normal. We don’t know any better and anything else out of the norm is scary for us. That’s okay, but what happens one day when there isn’t that significant other to do things with? Whether it’s death, unfaithfulness, abuse, or even that you two are not compatible anymore, etc., then what? Are you going to crawl under a rock and die?

My thought is, I don’t want to be with someone just for the sake of needing to for whatever reason. I or you have to want to be with someone who you don’t need anything from and that includes happiness.

When you are in a relationship that gives you one iota or inclination of doubt about the two of you or your self preservation, re-think it. I’m not saying make any haste decisions but really dig down deep and think about what it is that gives you that nudge of doubt, sadness, or unhappiness that you’re feeling.

You have the ability to change that and it is possible to be in a relationship and make yourself happy first. Take care of you and all that isn’t right in your being and fix it.

This post may sound like I am single but I’m not. I am in a relationship that gives me control of my own happiness. He is part of the puzzle that made this happen for now (it took me a lifetime to find him). If things change, then I will take it as it comes. We don’t live together, he has his own kids, I have mine. A lot of our likes aren’t the same but that’s okay too, we both full-fill something in one another that gives us balance and to us that’s all that matters.

You can find that balance also but it requires figuring out exactly what is it that you want out of life for yourself and nobody else. It might take some time like it did for me but if you don’t start processing the thoughts about what it is that really makes you happy, then things will never change.

Good luck!