kids

Happiness is achievable

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It’s about 8:00 and the house is super quiet. Boys are sleeping. Rain is falling, yes rain. Should be snow here in NY this time of year but eh rain always has a soothing way about it now matter how messy it makes the left over snow look.

Anyway this is the best time of the day when I can think. When I think I start typing away so here I go.

It’s two days away from my birthday and I feel the more I grow closer to my mid 40’s the clearer things become. Life is truly black and white. It’s either you live it and you live it happily or you don’t.

Why would you stop pursuing your happiness? The sky is limitless. Yes there are barriers to happiness such as yourself, other people, and circumstances but look at it this way, the only thing that can truly prevent yourself from being happy is death lol.

Remember this is the normal girl from Long Island talking(who now resides in upstate NY) again and who has been through A LOT and when I say A LOT of different barriers but nothing has stopped me from getting to where I needed to be at that very point in my life. Like right now. I’m resting finally. Hmmm or how else can I describe it..? I feel calm and peace in my life right now. But wait my life is not perfect omg not even close. I’m going to go into a little bit of detail just so you guys can relate to what is going on in my life and how I DO NOT let that have an impact on my happiness. Got that?

For starters, money is tight. When I mean tight I mean tight like 3 pounds of sausage in a two lb. bag tight lol.  My child support hasn’t come in in 3 weeks, I’m on the verge of a nervous breakdown interviewing and doing presentations for a job that I so desperately need and want. I’m having major issues with my 12-year-old son regarding just about everything and everything. And re-occurring trust issues with my boyfriend(partly because of my views on our relationship and how I handle things). Too much to explain. These issues are just the gist of it.

My point is that I am happy even with all of that going on. Do you know why?? Because I put everything in perspective. Money issues will always be there and if I don’t think positive those money issues will never get resolved. The CS will come in when it comes in. I am a little ahead on paying my bills so I have to look at that as a plus. If I continue to think positive about this job I am going to get, it will happen.

The issues with my son, aren’t really issues. It’s life and so be it. Things could be a lot worse and I am blessed that this is the extent of my issues with him.

The trust and control issues with my boyfriend is a whole other ball game. For the most part we get along great but in order to get back to where we were about five months ago, we need to work on our communication.

All this can be fixed. None of it is life threatening. If I continue to stress, it will be life threatening.

There is always a way. I’m reverting back to my earlier posts about positive thinking. It isn’t easy as I make it sound. It took me years and years to finally get this cycle working the right way.

The way I got to this point of realizing what is important to worry about and what isn’t, was by reading and googling everything about positive thinking and eliminate stress. Everyone does it in their own special way so sometimes you have to take bits and pieces of things that will work for you.

Trust me on this. Happiness is achievable. I promise. coffee

 

 

White out

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Getting a late start today. Took boys to school and starting my workday with Mike in a few. They are calling for lake effect snow up to 8 inches. I’m wondering if I’ll be picking up my cherubs early today hmmm….

It looks like a definite white out now as I type and look through my bedroom window. Cold but so beautiful.

I’ll take some pics and upload today.

God I love New York.

Have a great day everyone and don’t give up on whatever it is you set out to do. The best reward is the feeling of accomplishment. It doesn’t matter how big or small the task, the important part of it is that you got it done.

115/65

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There is a lot to be said in those numbers. That is my blood pressure. One year ago today it was 199/100. I had an ekg done, stress test, and a numerous amounts of other tests. It all boiled down to my lifestyle which consisted of a tremendous amount of stress and a poor diet. So what I did was eliminate the stressors that caused me to “stress out” and I changed my diet.

It has been one week and two days since I’ve been off my Bystolic (BP) medicine and it is still down.

The reason why I am so ecstatic over this is because my sister died at the age of 47 and ultimately it was stress and her lifestyle that robbed her life at such a young age. I couldn’t do that to my kids so I knew I had to change something and I did.

I can’t finish this up now because Mike is picking us up and we are going to the mall and I have a ton more to say! But I hope you are all well out there xo

People, life, relationship, hurt, choices, chances

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They piss me off. They also make my blood pressure rise. I left someone because he treated me and my boys horribly. I’m talking about my boyfriend of 5 years. He put on a show for his friends and family(sometimes)and acted like he really gave a shit. Behind closed doors we were living in hell. My son developed a stuttering problem over the course of two years and as soon I as left him, my sons stuttering problem stopped. He put us down, he screamed and yelled at us so much that my kids wore their earphones to their ipods and computer all the time. They didn’t want to hear it anymore and neither did I. He slipped from time to time and showed his true colors in front of his friends and family.

What I should have done from the beginning was take the advice of those who came to me and forewarned me about him and told me to stay away from him but stupid me, always giving someone the benefit of the doubt as usual.

I’m so happy and I hate it when people get in my ear and tell me how what I did wasn’t right, or how I’m going about things isn’t cool. How is it do they want me to go about it??? Stay with a person who belittled my kids and I? Stay with a person who made us a nervous wreck? Why just so we can make everyone’s life seem peachy??

All I can honestly say is that I tried. I gave it my best effort but I could do no more or I probably would have lost my kids to their dad. It was a bad situation that I had to make right and I did.

His house, his family, the camping trips, the big holidays, the presents for the kids, all that means nothing when you get back home and it’s just the four of us and it goes bad once again. Those times that are so far and few in between aren’t worth everything else that we had to go through. I wish things could have been different. There is so much more to the story but why bother? It’s like everyone else who goes through this it’s a relationship that went bad. I spent 18 years in an abusive relationship and there was no way I was going to spend the rest of my life in a similar situation. And, if the time ever arises again where I am not happy or I’m in a place where I don’t want to be in life, I’ll change it again. That is my option. This is life and we have the ability to make choices. If you don’t, your stupid.

Over and out for now until I feel the need to spill my guts once again.