Author: Jeana Marie

Life

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Life, you can do so many things with it. You can live it, or you can just sit back and watch it go by. I chose to live it for a change. I chose to not live it for others but for myself and do what I want to do and do what makes me happy.

I can’t even say that it sucks being alone because I’d be lying if I did. I’m not alone. I have so many friends and family that support me and the decision I made.

It wasn’t easy and I didn’t make this choice over night. It took a lot of thinking and I laid out my pros and cons. Obviously I had more pros.

I had started journals here and there and everything I posted was about me not being happy. I can’t say that I am 100% okay. I do feel guilty still for leaving him but

my best interest was to better the life for my boys and myself.

We did have our good times and I am going to miss his family but I said it several times to a lot of people, I can’t live for those few and far in between moments, and I can’t

live for his family. I was not happy in the relationship I was in. I felt so alone and my kids sensed that which is something I don’t want them to have to experience. They’re way to young to be worrying about me.

The past 5 years were just another stepping stone in my life. God had me go down that path for a reason. What it is I don’t know but it’s just part of the bigger blue print that he has laid out for me.

I hate making my blogs all about myself so the point I’m trying to get to in this post is, do what makes you happy and do it now. Time isn’t going to stand still while you make a decision. I can’t kick myself for not doing this sooner because the timing was part of the whole process and whatever is in store for me. But, from here on in I can learn from my past.

I know there are so many people out there reading this post or maybe eventually who will get to read it that will say to themselves, I wish I could just change my life/situation and make that move. Yes you can. Financially it may not be the perfect scenario but everything has a way of working it out. I worried about him financially and I worried about my self too obviously but that was another reason why I couldn’t stay. I didn’t want to stay because it was a good financial decision or I was afraid of being alone or losing friends.

I’m happy. My life is not perfect but I am very happy.

This post isn’t about bashing “him” or what went wrong either or he said she said, it’s about me and my boys and finding peace and happiness. I can’t believe that I am actually on that road.

Life is great and I have so much more to write about but I have to get the boys off the bus so this is it for now.

Thanks for listening.

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Grilled Turkey and Avocado Sandwich

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Hey I just thieved this recipe from Examiner.com, Week 3: Saturday – Grilled Turkey and Avocado sandwich. I cannot wait to try it. Looks simple enough to me which is right up my alley lol.

Grille Turkey and Avocado Sandwich

Ingredients

Ciabatta bread

½ cup basil pesto

½ lb. turkey

8 slices swiss cheese

1 cup Monterey Jack cheese, shredded

2 roma tomatoes, sliced

2 avocados, sliced

8 slices bacon, cooked

Instructions

Spread each piece of ciabatta bread with the pesto. Layer on the ingredients between cheese. Cook on a Panini press or over medium heat for 5 minutes on each side. Toppings make 3 sandwiches worth.

It isn’t really gluten free but it is semi-healthy and seems like a change from the same old turkey sammies I usually make. I like to switch things up once in a while.

Fresh roasted green beans and Vidalia onions

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Seriously this is such a simple recipe. There is no excuse not to eat healthy. I think you just have to be creative and put your noggin into it.

All I used was about a pound of fresh green beans and one whole Vidalia onion. Wash the beans first and snap the ends off. Then boil for approximately 10 minutes and drain. Cut the Vidalia onion up into medium slices and put in a baking dish with the green beans. I then drizzled olive oil on top (about 2 to 3 tbsp) and sprinkled some onion powder and pepper on top. Just move the beans and onion around so that they all get moist from the olive oil. That was it!! You can add salt and any extra spices that you wish.

Bake in the oven on the top rack at about 375 – 400 depending on your oven for about 20 minutes. I like mine with a little crisp at the edges.

My dream last night

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I had a dream about my mom last night. She passed away last August and this was the 2nd dream I had of her but it was a good one. I came in the side door of her house and went to the left a few stairs down into the basement where she washed clothes and was calling to her mom, mom. I heard her voice and she said yes I’m here. Then she came out from the other room in her basement wearing her pajamas and I walked down stairs all the way and said I love you and we started hugging. She said I love you too and it was like I really felt her, smelled her, and could hear her voice. I asked her if I’m wrong. I kept saying, mom am I wrong and she said no honey you’re not. It’s not right what they did to you.

I wonder if that was her coming to me in my dreams or is it my mind thinking this on its own? It felt so real and it was so vivid. The next part of the dream we went up to her kitchen/dining area and she said you have to rent my house. But it was already being occupied by the new owners(as it is now)and when were were standing in the kitchen the new owner came through the back door asking what we were doing in her house. We just started talking and the new owner said, oh I didn’t actually buy this house I’m just renting it and I’ll be out soon. Mean while even though my mom was dead she was still talking with us and the new owner.

I’ve been dreaming so much lately and remembering my dreams but that’s why I had to write this one down because I didn’t want to forget it. I cried when I woke up. A good and bad cry I guess because I really felt her and because I miss her so much. She was all I had left. I don’t talk to my sisters anymore and my dad lives in Florida. I talk with him occassionally but my mom was the only one who really cared about my boys(on my side of the family).

I miss her so much. If anyone knows something about dreams do you have any idea what this is suppose to mean? If there is any hidden meaning behind this one at all?