Life, you can do so many things with it. You can live it, or you can just sit back and watch it go by. I chose to live it for a change. I chose to not live it for others but for myself and do what I want to do and do what makes me happy.
I can’t even say that it sucks being alone because I’d be lying if I did. I’m not alone. I have so many friends and family that support me and the decision I made.
It wasn’t easy and I didn’t make this choice over night. It took a lot of thinking and I laid out my pros and cons. Obviously I had more pros.
I had started journals here and there and everything I posted was about me not being happy. I can’t say that I am 100% okay. I do feel guilty still for leaving him but
my best interest was to better the life for my boys and myself.
We did have our good times and I am going to miss his family but I said it several times to a lot of people, I can’t live for those few and far in between moments, and I can’t
live for his family. I was not happy in the relationship I was in. I felt so alone and my kids sensed that which is something I don’t want them to have to experience. They’re way to young to be worrying about me.
The past 5 years were just another stepping stone in my life. God had me go down that path for a reason. What it is I don’t know but it’s just part of the bigger blue print that he has laid out for me.
I hate making my blogs all about myself so the point I’m trying to get to in this post is, do what makes you happy and do it now. Time isn’t going to stand still while you make a decision. I can’t kick myself for not doing this sooner because the timing was part of the whole process and whatever is in store for me. But, from here on in I can learn from my past.
I know there are so many people out there reading this post or maybe eventually who will get to read it that will say to themselves, I wish I could just change my life/situation and make that move. Yes you can. Financially it may not be the perfect scenario but everything has a way of working it out. I worried about him financially and I worried about my self too obviously but that was another reason why I couldn’t stay. I didn’t want to stay because it was a good financial decision or I was afraid of being alone or losing friends.
I’m happy. My life is not perfect but I am very happy.
This post isn’t about bashing “him” or what went wrong either or he said she said, it’s about me and my boys and finding peace and happiness. I can’t believe that I am actually on that road.
Life is great and I have so much more to write about but I have to get the boys off the bus so this is it for now.
Thanks for listening.