Just thoughts

SWYF Sunday

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There are times that in your mind you constantly give people the benefit of the doubt, trust in them, believe them, feel in your heart that the motives/intentions that the have for you are pure and in your best interest, right? I for the most part live my life with these types of beliefs but then there are those couple of people in your life that when you step back and analyze what type of relationship you have with them or what is it that is making the relationship a substantial meaningful one, it hits you. Well it hit me. The timing of the phone call, the words that are being exchanged, and that gut feeling that you know in your heart it’s all wrong.

Yet it’s wrong over and over again but why do we submit? Why do we hold on to that one piece of hope that things might change and turn around? It is the chain of events that have taken place repeatedly that I now realized it wasn’t for me it was for them. Their intentions were for their own best interest. No matter how much you want to believe that there was something genuine there, that feeling bursts. I always wanted to believe that it was good and right for all those years but little things that are surfacing now make me realize that half the time it was all bs. I’m not saying there was some “real” moments in there but in the end when they are trying to hold on to you to get what they can you finally wake up and say, ahhh I see. It took a while for me to wake up but I did finally with the help of someone else who doesn’t even know he helped me see how I should be treated, that is when it all became clear.

Like I said before, I really want to write a book about my life and start straight from the beginning. The course of events that have taken place in my life all lead up to somewhere and I think I am at the place where I’m suppose to be finally. We shall see….

Thank God it’s clicking.

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I was in a panic. I just started my 3rd semester and I felt like there was no way I was going to be able to focus this semester. Out of all semesters, this one? WTH? But it just did. I just started my first assignment and I feel like it’s clicking. I’m getting back into it, I hope lol. I say this now but give me an hour.

Had to just take a break for a sec and post that. I’m sure there are a lot of you who feel the same way in certain situations like mine. You just can’t get it together sometimes! Arrghhh. Hate that.

Okay, back to work!

Say what you feel Wednesday

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Just thinking about what someone use to say to me a while ago about someone else, over and over again. They said, “he has such bad luck all the time, poor guy, etc.” That really irks me. No one has bad luck. You create your own luck. You treat others right, be honest, humble, caring, and considerate that’s what you will get in return. If you are doing something because ultimately the intentions ar…e to benefit yourself, well then, eventually that will come back and bite you in the ass. What does it really take to speak kindly to someone and go out of your way to be nice? Can someone really be that selfish that they can’t put their own wants and needs aside momentarily just to make others happy without having an ulterior motive? I just don’t get it? Those are the people that sit there and say poor me, I can’t believe this is happening to me….Well think about it stupid, could it be for the fact that you created the life you are in and it isn’t what everybody else did to you but what you did to them and how you treated others? This post isn’t intended for anyone specific. I’m just making a general comment. I’m lucky enough that the majority of the people that I am surrounded by that this doesn’t pertain to. What does it take to open a door for someone, ask them how their day is going, listen earnestly to their conversation. None of these things cost money and I guarantee would make someone’s day. Watch your conversations also. Don’t say something to someone if your intentions are to belittle them, make them feel slighted or bad about themselves, or even just to prove something. No one has anything to prove to anybody, but themselves. Nothing anyone does or says impresses me and it never will. I like you for the person you are and not what you can bring to the table, if that makes sense. Must be the cold air that is putting pressure on my brain to say all this! Enjoy the day today, especially if you are as lucky as I am and get to spend it with your babies! — feeling content.

Say what you feel Monday

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Well, usually most of the time the things I talk about never make any sense because I like to rant and rave about useless pieces of information that won’t make sense to most but there are some out there that do get it.

Anyway lol, my birthday was this past Saturday. I just turned 43. I think I can honestly say this is the year that I’m starting over. I already did. I lost 10 lbs in the past 30 days just by cutting my portions in half, eating healthier, and watching my alcohol intake.

The next change I made was letting go. I did that as well. I let go of the things I cannot change. I can only live my life the way it works for me. I think by trying to consistently make others happy reeked havoc on my body and mind. Bottom line with this is you can’t live your life worrying about what others think or what is it that you can do to make them like you better. I spent so much time on this ridiculousness that it wasted a good part of my life. That’s nor here nor there it’s over and done with and I moved on.

I’m really truly happy at this point and I have to say I met a man that has something to do with all this change. There is a saying that goes something like, be with a person who makes you a better person etc…I’m going to have to google it and find out for sure but I did. I found someone who makes me a stronger better person. Not only did he help me restore my confidence to say and do what I wanted to do for a change, he also lets me be completely the person who I want to be and use to be a long, long time ago. I never stop laughing when I am around him.

People are on a continuous search to be happy. There are a few out there that can be totally content being alone and happy. Then there are others, like myself who need someone to be by there side and help them get through the rough times, make them stronger, be their soul mate, have a best friend to share everything with and I think I found him. He feels and tells me the same thing. Don’t get me wrong, I get so afraid that sometimes this is going to flop in my face because it has been a long time coming that I haven’t been happy, but that is where my faith steps in. I have faith in the thoughts and positive energy out there that this is going to make this happen for me and things are finally going to turn around.

Now listen, my life is way far from perfect. I have so many other issues going on right now that I have to take care of but having someone like him definitely makes it a lot easier to get through. I just had to say that because I didn’t want you all to think that my life is a bed of roses and all perfect and whatnot lol. Oh no far from it but I’ll get to that at a later date.

All I can say for now is that I’m soaking in all the good and putting the yuck on a back burner for now.

I have to go make my coffee and get my day rolling. Boys are off from school because of the holiday. I start my new semester(3rd) today for my associates in Human Services which I’m nervous about but like everything else I’ll get through it.

With everything I blog or post about I always hope that someone who reads it can get something out of it. I hope that in this post you can too. Even if it means to you that don’t give up on your search for happiness. Even just a little bit of happiness can open up a whole lot of new doors. Nobody’s life is perfect but don’t give up on wanting to make yourself happy. That is where it all begins and no matter what it takes, do it.