Just thoughts

Just looking for a miracle, one last time

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All I want for this Christmas is peace. Plain and simple. Peace within the current relationship I am in now. That’s it. I’m giving him one more chance. He agreed that he will seek help for his anger and other issues he has going on and I am going to go with that for now only because it is Christmas.

I am a domestic violence survivor and I refuse to be a survivor again. I don’t want to go through what I went through before. I refuse to let my kids witness any form of abuse whatsoever. I went through physical, verbal, and mental abuse for 20 years and I am not going allow it again. I have been with him for 1 year now and putting it bluntly I don’t have the time to waste on worrying every second of my life. This is it. He has never hit me but the verbal aspect of it is debilitating at times. I’m not stupid or dependent on others. I just don’t walk away easily and give people the benefit of the doubt too much sometimes.

“He” is on notice so I am taking this minute by minute. He went through something traumatic at Christmas time when he was younger but that is no excuse because so did I and I never but the blame on anything or anyone else for my actions so he shouldn’t either.

Today is the day before Christmas eve. This is weighing heavily on my mind and heart. I hope my decision is right by giving him this last chance. If not, I’m out. No ifs, ands, or buts.

Please, please, please just give me this one Christmas miracle that all will go well. So far since our discussion last Friday it has been going okay but I’m at my wits end taking it min by min. I need peace.

 

V DAY

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Happy Valentine’s Day. I know, I know to some it is just another day but for others it can mean that it is a day that kind sums up part if your life in a nutshell.
My life in a nutshell has been a crazy one. The shell that I’ve been living in has been tossed around, kicked, and thrown against a wall.
Today is the first time that I feel like V Day really has meaning for me.
I love Carrie from Sex in the City so I’m going to refer to my guy as Mr. Big lol. Lame yes I know. It’s been 4 1/2 months since we started seeing each other. We hit a few road bumps along the way but we got over them. Hey our relationship isn’t perfect but the main factor in this for me is that I’m so happy. He treats me like gold without hesitation. Is this what it feels like to be put on a pedestal? I can’t describe it or how much I appreciate my life and what god had given me. Out if everything bad comes something good. I truly believe. My mom always told me to think that way and she was right. Positive thoughts bring positive results.
Have a great day everyone xoxo

SWYF Thursday

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I have to make this real quick. How can someone speak such vile words in one instance then turn around and portray like the are so innocent the next? I don’t get it?

She texts me and says:  if “so and so” and you cross paths then I(me) should spit in their face. Huh? Just because you made your destiny by burning other people and not knowing when to keep your mouth shut, does not mean I should live the same life that you live, which in my opinion is just horrible. She backstabs, belittles, and is a complete narcissist. Sadly, I am related to her. Yes, we share the same blood but I am in no way shape or form like her in anyway. My stomach turns when I hear her speak like that. What happened? Is she the milk man’s daughter or did the swap her accidentally in the delivery room?

I can go on and on but I have to get to work and I’ve been delaying this for the past couple of days so here I go.

I’m sure I’ll be back with something more to say in a bit. I can’t concentrate lately. Freakin hate this.

 

 

SWYF Tuesday

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Dragging my feet today and it’s only 7 a.m. I feel like I’m starting my day in a funk. The whole week actually feels like one big blah BUT I’m going to get out of it today. There are some loose ends I have to take care of that will take the heaviness out of my heart that I’ve been putting off. Grab the bull by the horns day today ya know.

It’s a good day. I’m alive, my kids are healthy, I have great friends and family, so snap out of it bitch lol. Someone slap me ha. Jk.

Have a great day everyone!