Don’t over analyze anything. It will destroy you. You have to just take life as it comes and as hard or easy as that may be, just let it happen.
If you think positive, I can assure you positive things will come. Manifesting what you want is not bs. The key is you truly have to put your heart and soul into what you want. There is no pretending either. You have to give it your all.
Don’t stop. It is possible.