peace

Just looking for a miracle, one last time

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All I want for this Christmas is peace. Plain and simple. Peace within the current relationship I am in now. That’s it. I’m giving him one more chance. He agreed that he will seek help for his anger and other issues he has going on and I am going to go with that for now only because it is Christmas.

I am a domestic violence survivor and I refuse to be a survivor again. I don’t want to go through what I went through before. I refuse to let my kids witness any form of abuse whatsoever. I went through physical, verbal, and mental abuse for 20 years and I am not going allow it again. I have been with him for 1 year now and putting it bluntly I don’t have the time to waste on worrying every second of my life. This is it. He has never hit me but the verbal aspect of it is debilitating at times. I’m not stupid or dependent on others. I just don’t walk away easily and give people the benefit of the doubt too much sometimes.

“He” is on notice so I am taking this minute by minute. He went through something traumatic at Christmas time when he was younger but that is no excuse because so did I and I never but the blame on anything or anyone else for my actions so he shouldn’t either.

Today is the day before Christmas eve. This is weighing heavily on my mind and heart. I hope my decision is right by giving him this last chance. If not, I’m out. No ifs, ands, or buts.

Please, please, please just give me this one Christmas miracle that all will go well. So far since our discussion last Friday it has been going okay but I’m at my wits end taking it min by min. I need peace.

 

Sylvan Beach, NY

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We took a ride today. We started out with about 14 other bikers but a little later on broke off from them because Mike had to go check something out he was going to buy for his shop. Low and behold to make a long story short, he didn’t end up buying it. It didn’t matter because when we get an opportunity to go riding alone, to me, times like that are priceless.

Today we started out at a place called Van’s in Barneveld then headed towards Sylvan Beach which is located on Oneida Lake. The lake is about 30 miles long and you can find place’s to shop, eat, and bars there with live entertainment and pretty darn good food. On days like today with the weather being just about perfect, Sylvan Beach was pretty packed. The place we picked to eat at was Crazy Clams. We split the dill Havarti burger and supreme nachos. The next stop after that was Harpoon Eddy’s just for a quick drink and then we took off after that to go on our own way.

Getting on the back of the bike and riding to wherever with him, gives me a feeling that is indescribable.  The routes we take are for the most part scenic as always. He knows just where to go so we can get the most out of our views for the day. We see so many different things and smell so many different scents in the open air ranging from pines tress, fresh cut grass, different flowers that are in bloom,  bbq grilles going, etc., You just can’t buy things like that and that is what makes the life I live so invaluable.  I love crusing through one town after another, some of which make you feel like you stepped back a couple of decades.

Here are some pics from today and some from our ride a few weeks ago. The little white house and church were located in the Town of Madison, NY.

. church fields us3

Good Morning

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This is the view out my window this morning. So serene. It doesn’t get any better than this. I am truly blessed.

This is actually the view out my boyfriend’s window but we are contemplating having the boys and I move in. For now we are taking it one day at a time.

It is a good feeling knowing that there are options out there. I love the house I’m renting now but it is quite tiny and no yard whatsoever. But it is adorable. I’ll post some pics soon.

My boyfriend built his own home attached to his business. It is on 3 acres and the views are spectacular. He wants us to move in with him and his daughter like yesterday. I’m just taking it slow and want it to be perfect when we do.

You can’t always rush in to things. You have to take time to think it out. I love him and our family has a perfect fit but I’ll know when the time is right.

Why am I sharing this with you? I have no clue! I just love rambling on about my life sometimes lol. I have my ups and downs too just like everyone else.

Have a great hump day! Enjoy life.

Slow down

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Ugh sometimes I just want to slap my self silly. I was looking back on old posts and my (about me) section, and there was a slew of typos and misspelled words. How can you misspell with auto correct? Only me!! I truly believe it was because at that time in my life I was moving too fast and I still do at times today move way too fast. I’m either hurrying to move to the next task or my thoughts are elsewhere.

I still have to work on slowing down and focusing.

It’s late and my eyes are getting heavy. I better go before I start making typos again!