Have faith

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I don’t know what is going to come out of all this. But that’s just it, for the rest of my life I have no laid out plans of what is to come, no one does. That is what I need to get through my thick skull and stop worrying. I worry about what is going to happen and wasting so much precious time on non sense. Some of what I am worrying about is self induced. I opened my mouth about something at a time where I needed to vent and now I’m afraid that the person I told is going to use it against me. How do I deal with that? I was venting not gossiping. I guess I just have to have faith in that person and hope that what I told them they will keep in confidence.

My head is spinning once again and it is only 6:45 a.m.  I have to go to my practicum this morning and I am in no mood but then again it does take my mind off of a lot. It could be much worse. I am blessed with everything I have been given. I have a beautiful life and two amazing little boys. That’s all that matters.

Some one slap me please. Ugh I think too much.

 

 

SWYF Thursday

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I have to make this real quick. How can someone speak such vile words in one instance then turn around and portray like the are so innocent the next? I don’t get it?

She texts me and says:  if “so and so” and you cross paths then I(me) should spit in their face. Huh? Just because you made your destiny by burning other people and not knowing when to keep your mouth shut, does not mean I should live the same life that you live, which in my opinion is just horrible. She backstabs, belittles, and is a complete narcissist. Sadly, I am related to her. Yes, we share the same blood but I am in no way shape or form like her in anyway. My stomach turns when I hear her speak like that. What happened? Is she the milk man’s daughter or did the swap her accidentally in the delivery room?

I can go on and on but I have to get to work and I’ve been delaying this for the past couple of days so here I go.

I’m sure I’ll be back with something more to say in a bit. I can’t concentrate lately. Freakin hate this.

 

 

SWYF Tuesday

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Dragging my feet today and it’s only 7 a.m. I feel like I’m starting my day in a funk. The whole week actually feels like one big blah BUT I’m going to get out of it today. There are some loose ends I have to take care of that will take the heaviness out of my heart that I’ve been putting off. Grab the bull by the horns day today ya know.

It’s a good day. I’m alive, my kids are healthy, I have great friends and family, so snap out of it bitch lol. Someone slap me ha. Jk.

Have a great day everyone!

SWYF Sunday

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There are times that in your mind you constantly give people the benefit of the doubt, trust in them, believe them, feel in your heart that the motives/intentions that the have for you are pure and in your best interest, right? I for the most part live my life with these types of beliefs but then there are those couple of people in your life that when you step back and analyze what type of relationship you have with them or what is it that is making the relationship a substantial meaningful one, it hits you. Well it hit me. The timing of the phone call, the words that are being exchanged, and that gut feeling that you know in your heart it’s all wrong.

Yet it’s wrong over and over again but why do we submit? Why do we hold on to that one piece of hope that things might change and turn around? It is the chain of events that have taken place repeatedly that I now realized it wasn’t for me it was for them. Their intentions were for their own best interest. No matter how much you want to believe that there was something genuine there, that feeling bursts. I always wanted to believe that it was good and right for all those years but little things that are surfacing now make me realize that half the time it was all bs. I’m not saying there was some “real” moments in there but in the end when they are trying to hold on to you to get what they can you finally wake up and say, ahhh I see. It took a while for me to wake up but I did finally with the help of someone else who doesn’t even know he helped me see how I should be treated, that is when it all became clear.

Like I said before, I really want to write a book about my life and start straight from the beginning. The course of events that have taken place in my life all lead up to somewhere and I think I am at the place where I’m suppose to be finally. We shall see….