Just looking for a miracle, one last time

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All I want for this Christmas is peace. Plain and simple. Peace within the current relationship I am in now. That’s it. I’m giving him one more chance. He agreed that he will seek help for his anger and other issues he has going on and I am going to go with that for now only because it is Christmas.

I am a domestic violence survivor and I refuse to be a survivor again. I don’t want to go through what I went through before. I refuse to let my kids witness any form of abuse whatsoever. I went through physical, verbal, and mental abuse for 20 years and I am not going allow it again. I have been with him for 1 year now and putting it bluntly I don’t have the time to waste on worrying every second of my life. This is it. He has never hit me but the verbal aspect of it is debilitating at times. I’m not stupid or dependent on others. I just don’t walk away easily and give people the benefit of the doubt too much sometimes.

“He” is on notice so I am taking this minute by minute. He went through something traumatic at Christmas time when he was younger but that is no excuse because so did I and I never but the blame on anything or anyone else for my actions so he shouldn’t either.

Today is the day before Christmas eve. This is weighing heavily on my mind and heart. I hope my decision is right by giving him this last chance. If not, I’m out. No ifs, ands, or buts.

Please, please, please just give me this one Christmas miracle that all will go well. So far since our discussion last Friday it has been going okay but I’m at my wits end taking it min by min. I need peace.

 

Snowy thoughts

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Just summing up from yesterday, even though we did not have the boys or Alisha(and we were bumming from time to time about that) our day turned out pretty good. We had awesome food with some beautiful people. No stress, no fuss and that is exactly how it should be. I hope everyone else had a great day as well.
I am going to ramble on again so here it goes. You have to stop and think about what is your life all about? What’s happening that is good and bad? And, which parts of those occurrences are self-induced? I can’t say I had this epiphany just recently or not even in the past 10 years but my personal revelation of being happy with what I have has always been my number one priority. I feel that what God has given me now is a blessing and that primarily being in my book, is life. Anything else is icing on the cake. I listen to the people around me talk and I can see sadness and anguish on their faces. Think about what is causing that and what is the best solution to eliminate it. Life isn’t always going to go according as planned but working with what you have and making the best out if it is sometimes the answer to your problems.
The worst possible thing that could happen to me is my mom passing a couple of years ago. I still grieve over it but it is one of those things that was totally out of my control and inevitable. Some things in life like death you cannot change so the best thing to do is just roll with those feelings and eventually the pain will ease up some and you move on. I hate to be so cut and dry about it but it’s the truth, sad and painful at times, but true.
Where am I going with all this???? Oh okay yup I remember….in the end all the roller coaster of emotions and life’s ups and downs will eventually pay off. Whatever is going to be will be and if it isn’t what truly makes you happy then change it. Don’t take this life for granted. I know I won’t. Not now, not ever, and not for anyone. I have gold in my hands and even though it isn’t perfect I wouldn’t trade my life for anything in this world. I am so blessed.
Once again a new year is upon us. Start over and consciously make that effort to change what is wrong. I still have a lot of changes to make to get to where I want to be but it’s a process as life always is. Some changes are by all means not easy to make, like the ones I have ahead of me, but as time passes you will realize by making those changes you did the right thing to get to where you have to be and that is happy, and happy doesn’t cost a thing!!
Have a great day everyone. I’m sure I’ll be making another longwinded post again before Christmas. If my posts helps anyone out there who might need reassurance that everything will work out in the end, then I’m okay with that and if there are those of you that think I’m just plain nuts, then so be it! Lol!
“Life is good. Work hard, be humble, and most of all be kind to one another.” Oh and remember, “happy doesn’t cost a thing.” Love that saying!

Throw away the key

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It does not take much to make me content. I’m sitting watching the sunset over the West Canada Creek with my boys and boyfriend. Pellet stove going, football on and waiting for the GMEN to come on. All I have or ever wanted is right here in this living room. It took a while to get it right and by all means my life isn’t perfect but if I were to die tomorrow I can say I died happy.

Life is good. Enjoy the little things.

Life

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I am currently in my last semester in getting my associates in Human Services and I saved the best classes for last, one of them being Sociology and Abnormal Psychology. I scheduled it this way because I wanted to enjoy learning what people are all about and what makes them tick.

Sometimes I feel like I am surrounded by a bunch of idiots I swear. I know I am far from perfect but why is it that people will say whatever they want to whoever they want at no expense of the other person’s feelings? Is it for the sole reason that they lack intelligence? I really believe that is the case or is there some kind of hidden narcissistic trait within?

I heard a simple statement on the radio yesterday, “You get treated the way you allow people to treat you.” I know this but yet I allow people to say things to me and I just turn the other cheek. Now inside my head there are a slew of thoughts going on about what I would love to say in return but I just bite my tongue. I feel like sometimes it isn’t worth the argument. How can you argue stupid?

But at what point to I stop allowing this to go on? What am I afraid of losing? Losing people in my life that have no regards for my feelings? What am I teaching my kids by letting them see how others disrespect me? I am lucky enough that they have the intelligence to know that it isn’t right to speak disrespectfully to someone.

Don’t get me wrong, overall I am happy with MY life and I am happy and secure with the person who I am but what wears on me lately that some people think that they can get away with speaking to other people with no respect.

Again, it is my fault for allowing this to happen but I try to weigh the pros and cons to eliminating this type of behavior and what the percentages are between the good and not so good times and right now it is teetering on 50/50.

The point to this post is a little message to those out there that do not think before they speak. Before you speak and let those words roll off your tongue, give it some though and ask yourself, would I want someone to treat me in the same manner and how would I feel if I was spoken to in the same fashion?

Feels good to post once again. I hate letting time go by and not taking advantage of what a great opportunity it is to get my point across to the world, even if nobody is listening lol.

Have a great day everyone!!!