Don’t Give Up

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I guess I already know the answer to my own question which is: why am I hesitant to blog, brag, or be happy about the relationship I’m in? Okay, so the answer to that is…because I don’t want to jinx myself and ruin a good thing. I’m so petrified of losing this or whatever that it is that I have going on with this great man I met and I’m acting like it’s no big deal when in actuality this life changing relationship for me is a huge deal.

I am so happy but yet scared and in denial at the same time. I lost my mom two years ago to the date on this coming August 19th and she was my best friend. I lost my house to a fire on Christmas Eve 4 months after I lost her and then my dog died 3 months after the fire. I’m not saying any of this to get sympathy because I am somewhat okay with all of that and came to terms with the fact that it’s all a part of life and they cycle that brings us to the place where we are meant to be.

I am blogging about it because I believe those things is what are holding me back from really enjoying what I have accomplished from that time in my life on until now.

Since then I have changed my life drastically. I knew if I didn’t I would have been dead, literally. I was spiraling down and fast prepping myself for a fatal crash landing.

My kids are what saved me. There was no way that I was going to have anyone raise them besides myself. Even though I don’t feel like I am going to be able to make a difference in this world, like Mother Theresa, but I feel like that my boys are going to be something big one day. So hard to explain but I’m on a roll so bear with my tangent that I’m gong off on!!

Back to my original reason why I am blogging today is because for the first time in a really long while, I am truly happy. I love the man I am going to spend the rest of my days with. He is my true best friend and soul mate. The one I have been looking for but never though it would be possible to find someone like him.

I’m not saying that our relationship is 100% perfect. No one has that. But he has the qualities that I have been looking for. I guess what I’m also trying to say is DON’T GIVE UP. Whoever you are reading this and if you are unhappy with your life in any area, it will get better. I promise. I never thought it was possible for me.

I truly believe the key to turning things around is positive thinking. You cannot buy a quick fix program to help you get your life back on track. It all comes from within. Think about what you want in life. Write it down and even cut pictures from a magazine or book of what you envision your life to be like and those dreams will come true. I did just that and it happened I swear. Oh the only book that I did read was, “The Secret.” I forgot the authors who put it together but it helped me in leaps and bounds. I still refer back to it from time to time when I feel like I need a little boost.

I’m not sure who and if anyone is actually going to take the time to read this post but if you do and you need someone to talk to, I’m here. I’m not judgmental or make the conversation about me. I am here to just to listen and offer some words of comfort if you need them.

Yea, I might just be a girl from Long Island, New York but I have been through a lot in my life that I believe gives me the credentials to help others. They say life experience is the best and I most certainly have to agree with that saying.

Just another day

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Yes it is just another day, but at least I have another day to be thankful for. I wake up thinking of the little menial things that shouldn’t be worried over and bring it all into perspective when I hear about other people’s problems. Then my problems aren’t really problems at all. Well I guess to me they are but nothing that is life changing or damaging.

We are heading to pick up a couple of cars that Mike won at auction. I love these trips no matter how far they are. It gives me time to think and enjoy his company. I think today we are heading to Syracuse which is only about an hour from here but tomorrow I think we are going to Newburgh. That is about a 3 hour ride.

My boys are with their dad on Long Island and I miss them dearly. I texted them this morning and they were both playing Mine Craft on their phones so they are somewhat distracted from texting me back waaah. Okay mom deal with it lol. They will be back though on Sunday. Seems like forever! But I’m looking forward to the weekend because we are probably hopefully going riding if the weather is nice. Yay! Motorcycle riding not horseback riding that is. But I’d do either if I have the latter choice.

In between

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There are days when you feel like you are so in between and you can’t decide on which way to go. That goes to say with anything, love, relationships, major life decisions, etc. How do you decided on what path to take? My theory on that is let it play out by it self and let time work for you. Everything needs time. When the decision arises stop and breathe then let the dust settle and see where it all falls. That does not happen instantaneously. It takes time.

I let time work for me so I don’t have to do all the contemplating on what to do. When I do that sometimes the answer for my decision pops up right in front of my face for me.

Let go of the inevitable and breathe. In due time the answer will come to you too.

Time to catch up

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Oh where do I begin and who wants to listen?

We took the boys to Dover Delaware for a Nascar Race. Our very first one but not for Mike. He has been a zillion times before. We had a blast. What an experience. Many people think that Nascar is for red necks, etc., but it’s for people of all different kinds. It isn’t cheap either! Just hearing those engines roar is something that can’t even be described and watching it on television does it no justice. A good way to look at Nascar in general is that those 43 drivers out there are the best 43 drivers in the whole world. What a way to look at it right? I never put it into perspective that way.

The following weekend Mike and I, and a few of his friends went to Lake George for Americade. That was something else that I never experienced before. Again, all walks of life there as well. No violence or anything crazy happening there. Which was good because I was a little apprehensive about even going. I didn’t know what to expect.

I have to say that in the past 8 to 10 months even though Mike and I have had our ups and downs, both the boys and I have been exposed to a lot of neat things since I’ve started going with him. We have shared a lot of good times but I’m nervous and conflicted. We all don’t always get along. Mike and I have the same parenting ideas but of course we are both going to protect our offspring. I know my boys aren’t perfect and he knows his daughter isn’t perfect either but there is that friction there. I can’t explain and I don’t know how to handle it.

I guess I’ll Google my way through this issue lol. Ugh. Why does life have to be so difficult at times?
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