There are times that in your mind you constantly give people the benefit of the doubt, trust in them, believe them, feel in your heart that the motives/intentions that the have for you are pure and in your best interest, right? I for the most part live my life with these types of beliefs but then there are those couple of people in your life that when you step back and analyze what type of relationship you have with them or what is it that is making the relationship a substantial meaningful one, it hits you. Well it hit me. The timing of the phone call, the words that are being exchanged, and that gut feeling that you know in your heart it’s all wrong.
Yet it’s wrong over and over again but why do we submit? Why do we hold on to that one piece of hope that things might change and turn around? It is the chain of events that have taken place repeatedly that I now realized it wasn’t for me it was for them. Their intentions were for their own best interest. No matter how much you want to believe that there was something genuine there, that feeling bursts. I always wanted to believe that it was good and right for all those years but little things that are surfacing now make me realize that half the time it was all bs. I’m not saying there was some “real” moments in there but in the end when they are trying to hold on to you to get what they can you finally wake up and say, ahhh I see. It took a while for me to wake up but I did finally with the help of someone else who doesn’t even know he helped me see how I should be treated, that is when it all became clear.
Like I said before, I really want to write a book about my life and start straight from the beginning. The course of events that have taken place in my life all lead up to somewhere and I think I am at the place where I’m suppose to be finally. We shall see….