Step one. I’ve been reading up on ways to relieve stress and one way they said is to take time to write, blog it out, journal it, or whatever. So here I am. I love to blog but I feel guilty for doing it, like I’m taking away from “real work.” This is my down time and god dammit I’m entitled to it. The only one who tells me differently is my boyfriend unfortunately. I’m the stupid one for listening to him and actually giving a crap about what he thinks of me. #1 I think I’m a fantastic mom. #2 I’ve been through a lot of devastating things in my life so I think I have the right to just veg and take time for me. #3 Who is he to tell me what or what I can’t do, or tell me I don’t do enough around the house, or boss me around and demand that his clothes should be cleaned and put away. What era am I living in? And why in the world am I succumbing to his demands or comments? Right now I am in a position where I have the world by the balls. Excuse my language, but I do. On Christmas eve my house caught on fire and to make a long story short basically everything was destroyed by either fire or water damage. I was blessed to have my niece’s future in-laws offer their home that is for sale for the boys and I to stay in. I’ll be posting pictures of the views from up here. But this is a golden opportunity for me to re-group, gather my thoughts, get my sh*t in order and start over a beautiful life for my boys and I.

“He” just walked in the door like nothing even happened. Like he didn’t leave the house screaming at me because he couldn’t find his favorite shirt. All the wash is done and put away mind you and his favorite shirt was not in there. Why is this my fault? I told him plain in simple(just 5 mins ago that #1 I do not need him and #2 I’m not a door mat where you can talk down to me and treat me like dirt.

I’m good. This feels great getting this out of my system. The sun is shining. My boys are content and happy. Even the dog is happy. I feel calm right now. My school work is geting donw. I just worked on my resume of which my sister is proofing for me. My plans are set in motion and I am going to carrying this thing through. I am going to continue working on relieving myself of stress and ridding myself of all the elements that induce stress in my life. Wish me luck.

We’ve been waiting for Nemo all day and finally he has arrived. Everyone is home safe and sound. I sent my texts to my girls(sisters)making sure they are all tucked in for the night. My life feels like this storm. Winds are blowing from the east and west with strong gusts. Snow is falling steadily probably for the remainder of the night. It is like a whirlwind for sure.

I feel like this storm. So unsettled and being tossed all over the place but yet it offers such serenity by its beauty. My life should be serene like that but I can’t help but feel like I am so stressed out.

I am in a position right now that my hands are tied. I can’t make any moves until a few things happen. So my main goal is to just try to relax and focus on school. For me this is easier said than done. I’m thinking of taking a yoga class with my sisters next week. I’ll have to see how that goes.

In the mean time I am going to find other ways to relieve stress and for get about changing what I don’t have control over.