compassion

Words Hurt

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It’s amazing how you can tell what a person is all about just by hearing their choice of words come out of their mouth. It could very well be that they don’t think about what they’re saying before they say it, or their true intentions are to throw that dig at you because they’re unhappy with themselves and even though they pretend to be okay, they’re not.

But, that’s no excuse. What’s the saying….”You can’t unring a bell.” Once you say it, it can’t be taken back. Those words will be forever etched into someones brain and all though you may think nothing of it, those words will have lasting consequences. Hurtful words or comments will never be forgotten.

You might think that the person you said those words too aren’t smart enough or capable of realizing what was said, that’s not the case. They’re just collectively storing everything in their thoughts, taking it in, and realizing that the person who says those things, lack intelligence and compassion. No matter how hard they try to make people believe that they are a good person, inside they are struggling and just don’t know how to follow through.

Pay no mind. The lesson learned is that you gain even more respect for yourself knowing that you aren’t like them. You are truly a good hearted individual.

You’re life might not reflect all the hard work, understanding, and compassion you give to others, but if you dig deep, it does. The satisfaction you have within because of being a good soul is what keeps you happy and true to the only person that counts, and that is yourself. That’s all that matters.

Is it a sin to…

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…have no motivation whatsoever? This isn’t about me committing sins either lol.

I’m feeling guilty because I have got next to nothing done today. In all fairness, I had a little incident at work the beginning of the week that put me out of commission for a few days. But, don’t we all once in a while? Is it the end of the world? No.

That’s neither here nor there because I can still function to a degree and I thank my lucky stars that it wasn’t worse.

I was off for 3 1/2 days. It set off total flashbacks for me. Covid quarantine flashbacks. Like most of you, I never ever want to experience that again.

That is the type of jolt we all need once in a while to make us appreciate life. It certainly gave me a wakeup call. That wakeup call is not letting events or people control my happiness.

Everyone gets into a funk periodically because of outside factors. I let this, whatever you call it umm stupid state of mind put me in a funk. I usually practice what I preach but for some reason this one was hard for me to shake off.

The time off gave me a chance to think about things though. Downtime to think is sooo important, but I will save that for another post.

There was a great article I read about not letting your emotions control you. It is like a built-in instinctual habit when a person lets their emotions control their cognitive thought process. It can ruin everything or it can make everything perfect. It all depends on you and your brain.

You’re bummed because you didn’t get the job, you didn’t pass the test, or someone hasn’t called or texted you back etc.

There are so many influences that affect our emotional state. The question is, how do we turn on and off those emotions? How can you reflect or intersect whatever is making your emotions go haywire?

It boils down to your brain. Conditioning your thoughts to recognize that emotions are feelings and feelings can be altered literally in a split second. The key is to learn how to change your reaction to the actions that are affecting your emotions.

It sounds a lot more than it really is. I’m not saying that it is easy to turn off your emotions but controlling them with your thoughts, can be done.

Over the years I have learned how to not let certain events or people control my emotional state. I am not perfect at it but I’ve come a long way.

Emotions, the bad ones, can wreak havoc on your health. Depression, anger, and sadness, especially for a long period of time can really do damage to your overall well-being. It is worth it? The sadness or anger you went through and probably eventually got over, was it worth your time slighting yourself of happiness? Not only your happiness but the happiness of those around you as well.

There isn’t anything in this world worth not having peace of mind. Life is always going to happen no matter what you say or do. It is inevitable.

The one thing you do have control over is your mind. Keep it strong. Practice deflection. Those small idiotic things that you encounter that get your pissed or make you sad, shrug it off and ask yourself, is it worth bringing me into a bad emotional state? When you realize that there are no major catastrophes in life, only then will you start to feel peace.

Your time on this earth is so precious. Don’t waste it. Be at peace with yourself and those around you.

Okay, enough gibberish. Have a great weekend everyone. Enjoy life!

I can breathe (Not related to COVID)

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This post is not related to COVID. We are surrounded by it. It has touched every single one of our lives in every way, so let’s leave Mr. Rona out of this once.

Not only can I breathe, but I can think so clearly now. I’m not sure how this happened but it took place over the past two years. The apprehensive feelings I’ve had my whole life disappeared. I stopped second guessing my ability to function independently and create my own happiness.

Why is it that we believe that we need others to go through every single motion in life? Sometimes, yes to a degree but when it comes down to it, eating alone, going to a movie alone, or taking a trip alone is not only exciting but empowering.

I can’t believe this but I remember the first time I went to the movies by myself. I was in my late 20’s(whoa 29 to be exact) and it was in Elmsford or Pleasantville NY but when I Googled Pleasantville, an artsy theater came up so things must have changed over time I’m thinking it may have been Elmsford. My kids weren’t even born yet! The movie was, The Perfect Storm with George Clooney. My ex was a cop at the time and he worked crazy hours so I had to take it upon myself to do this one on my own.

This is going to sound so silly but I want you to see how I felt when I did this. It might sound like something so trivial to you, but to me and others this is huge. Going to a movie alone?? Now the thing is, I usually can’t remember anything. I have a HORRIBLE memory or at least I thought I did until recently and things started coming back to me. So, here I am sitting in the movie theater parking lot staring at the entrance, watching couples go in, boyfriend and girlfriend, girlfriends, husband and wives and here I sit thinking, “people are going to think I’m a complete loser going into a movie theater by myself.” Am I completely and utterly ridiculous for thinking this? No, because it is engrained in our brains that this is the norm, like brushing our teeth. I’m not going to lie, I was so nervous. What are people going to think about me? Are they going to stare? Am I going to trip and the carpet or the stairs? Should I get popcorn? What if I have to go to the bathroom? Oh, forget about me thinking, “is someone going to attack me when I leave the movie theater or hiding under my car?” Nah, that was the furthest thing from my mind. Screw the serial killer. I was more worried about what people were thinking about me being alone. But, I did it. It was invigorating and empowering. BUT, for some reason I didn’t make a habit of it until did I reached my late 40’s. It was strange. I kind of crawled back up into my whole of insecurity land and lost that gumption to do it again. I owe it to the relationships I was in after my divorce. People and events can make you feel like you cannot survive and be happy alone. Even when I was single and enjoying it, people told me, “you are eventually going to want to grow old with someone or you need a partner, a companion to do things with.” Um, non actually I don’t.

Why do we feel that we need a partner to make us happy, to survive, to make us feel complete? I truly feel that for some of us that it’s just the cycle we were born into and what we are conditioned to believe is normal. We don’t know any better and anything else out of the norm is scary for us. That’s okay, but what happens one day when there isn’t that significant other to do things with? Whether it’s death, unfaithfulness, abuse, or even that you two are not compatible anymore, etc., then what? Are you going to crawl under a rock and die?

My thought is, I don’t want to be with someone just for the sake of needing to for whatever reason. I or you have to want to be with someone who you don’t need anything from and that includes happiness.

When you are in a relationship that gives you one iota or inclination of doubt about the two of you or your self preservation, re-think it. I’m not saying make any haste decisions but really dig down deep and think about what it is that gives you that nudge of doubt, sadness, or unhappiness that you’re feeling.

You have the ability to change that and it is possible to be in a relationship and make yourself happy first. Take care of you and all that isn’t right in your being and fix it.

This post may sound like I am single but I’m not. I am in a relationship that gives me control of my own happiness. He is part of the puzzle that made this happen for now (it took me a lifetime to find him). If things change, then I will take it as it comes. We don’t live together, he has his own kids, I have mine. A lot of our likes aren’t the same but that’s okay too, we both full-fill something in one another that gives us balance and to us that’s all that matters.

You can find that balance also but it requires figuring out exactly what is it that you want out of life for yourself and nobody else. It might take some time like it did for me but if you don’t start processing the thoughts about what it is that really makes you happy, then things will never change.

Good luck!